Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She announced her abortion via fbk
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize