Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
