were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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