It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
