and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
vagina is talking i cant
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
