The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
