Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize