Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
