Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
