lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
