he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just took my morning after pill in the library
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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