at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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