Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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