Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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