hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
