Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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