the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
