Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
