so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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