When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
