I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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