i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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