Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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