yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
