The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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