i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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