I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
