Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
