halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
