My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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