I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
