Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
