I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
