I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
