she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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