there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
