So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize