I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
