why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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