oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
