Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
