Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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