I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
