you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
