you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
