No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
