Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
