when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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