So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
