meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
...so i touched it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
