whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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