i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
