New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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