i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got inside last night via doggy door
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
