Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
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I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
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If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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