We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
