what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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