Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
