I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
