Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
