a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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