To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
