I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
