Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
